learning to love.

"I love you."
Three of the most simplest words in the english language, yet they carry the most meaning. 

Lately I have been put to the test, what is love? what does it really mean to love a person? 
I use these words quite often, but do I really mean them when I say them?

"Bye, I love you mom."
"Hey girl I hope you're doing well, I love you."
"Hey hun, I love you."
"love, you."

I use them so much. 
But recently it has been heavy on my heart that love is such a powerful word. Am I actually using love and expressing love the way it should be? 

In 1 corinthians 13:4-7 it states: 

^"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

That^ is what Love is. In my opinion not putting yourself first but putting yourself last. A lot of sacrifice needs to be done because it is now two people not one. I have realized that I truly am in love, but was not making that person a priority in my life. It took loosing the person that meant the most to me to find out what I actually had. Eventually I pushed him away, far enough and he was gone. As time went by I looked back on that relationship and learned so much about myself. I found a lot that I liked and a lot that I did not like. Love is not just taking everything you are given but also learning to give back. Love is not a one way street. Love is about two people coming together to make one. 

Sacrifice: It can be one of the hardest things and one of the trickiest things to understand. When you are with someone you love, you cannot expect everything to be perfect because the truth is life happens, disappointments happen, and disagreeing occurs. No one is perfect, not even close and no one will ever be. Eventually something is gonna happen and you are not going to see eye to eye. Sacrifice comes in play when you learn that their needs matter as well. When they are upset about something you did you need to learn to work through it, put your own needs aside and listen to what they have to say, what they think needs to be changed. Be patient, it is not easy but it is necessary. If you are not willing to sacrifice anything, things eventually begin to crumble. God gave up his only son, one of the biggest sacrifices known to man, just so that we can all be blessed and live an abundant life. If He did that for us, imagine all you could do for your other half. Love like He did and how He continually does.

 ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.(1 John 4:16) 

Appreciate the little things: because trust me when that disappears you will realize that those little things are what you miss the most.  The sweet text messages, the hand written letters, just because phone calls, his corny jokes, all the small gestures. Things that money cannot buy are what we need to value because when they are gone, you will see what I mean and that might be too late. The gifts are nice but they are just gifts, the little things, the details are what make things special. Gifts lose value, gifts can be destroyed, broken and the list goes on. But the little things can become some of your favorite memories. You cannot put a price on free. 

Give: Do not just sit there and continually take and take. Learn that he also wants to feel that you are giving back to him. Why would you want to give everything you have to someone who is not going to give back. And by this I do not mean just the material things, but give love, give encouragement, give happiness,give praise, give yourself. You are a team and there is no reason why one person should do all the giving. It's a two way street.

Confession: Admit when you are wrong, admit when you messed up. As humans it is easy to offend, annoy, and bother others. What is not easy is admitting something you do not want to admit. But having the courage to fess up when you did wrong is what can make all the difference in the world for him. So learn to say sorry and learn to make things right even when it is not easy. 

Don't take him for granted: Do not grow tired of saying please and thank you. Continue to show him you appreciate him and all that he does for you.  Being taken for granted is an ugly feeling, how do you like it when you go out of your way to do something for someone and they cannot even say thank you, it is not so great. Because if he truly loves you, he loves you at your best and he loves you at your worst, but that is no reason to disrespect him or belittle him. He will be there for you from beginning to the end, he will be the one you can count on but are you doing the same for him?

Lift him up: support him. Their dreams eventually become your dreams as well. He needs to know he can count on you for whatever it may be. Encourage him. Words have crazy powers, use them to build him up not to break him down. Why would you want someone who all they seem to do is talk down on you? exactly you would NOT want that, so why would you do it to him? Remember, words can hurt & cannot be taken back once they are said. Pray with him, pray for him. He is your other half and when they hurt you hurt. Be happy for him and be happy with him. Through the good and the bad you are there, and he needs to know you are always going to be there. 

Basically, I wrote this hoping to be able to bless others with the thoughts on my heart. We are no where near perfect, but why not learn from others mistakes and others life lessons. Take time to improve your relationship, improve yourself. Love is powerful, it can make or break a person. Do not go around looking for who is the better opportunity, look for the person who makes you a better person. The one who helps you learn and helps you grow. Because the truth is that what we usually think we need is usually what God knows we do not need. Only you and God can really know who is the right one and when you have found the one. Do not let the right one go, and make the most of it. Marriage is supposed to be a fun experience. A forever going, learning, maturing, and life experience. 

xoxo,
Vanessa Guzman 

"I wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.-unknown"